Parent’s attention and time are sacred resources of a child which he never wants to share with anyone. As soon as a sibling arrives, he looks at him as his attention stealing monster. To remove or at least reduce sibling rivalry, you need to make each of your child feel secure that no matter how much you are giving his sibling, there is ample love and attention for him too. You might be excited to expand your family but you never know whether your existing child is equally joyous about it.
Here are some measures that you can take to prepare your child for the new baby:
1. Reinforce that he is a valued member of the family
You might be excited at the arrival of a new baby but that’s not always the case with children. They more threatened than excited because they feel they have lost that prized position in the family because of the new baby. You need to reinforce in your child that he contributes to the family and has important role to play. You can say things like ‘I love it when you pick up all your toys and keep it in their place’ or ‘I love the way you help me set the table for dinner’.
Make him feel a valued member of the family whose place no one can take. Tell him about his role as an older brother and refer to the new baby as ‘your little brother’ rather than ‘Mom’s new baby’. Try looking at things through your child glasses and figure out how he is feeling.
2. Stay away from assumptions
Assuming that your child is going to be as delighted about the new baby as you is a fairly common assumption. Think things through his eyes. He is going to feel terrible about sharing his parent’s attention. Don’t assume a particular negative or positive reaction because most of the time the feelings are mixed.
Your family dynamics are going to change from three to four or maybe five. Things aren’t going to be the same as they used to be when you were only three. Remember transition is always difficult for children. Acknowledge your child’s feelings rather than assuming how he would feel.
3. Set the balance
There is no doubt that the first week with both the new baby and older child can be stressful and frustrating as you both try to adjust. It all depends on the new baby’s sleeping and crying pattern. This is your second child and there is a first child who wants your attention too.
No matter how difficult it is you need to set out some time for your older child every day. Some live interaction each day can help your older child sail through the transition. Allow him to decide what to do in this given time so that he feels that he still have some control in his hands and might talk about how he feels about the new baby.
4. Teach him about babies
You need to create a sense of what to expect from the baby. How do you do that? Playing is the best way to do it. Give your child a stuffed toy or a baby doll or just play make-believe. Using that doll, show him how to actually handle a baby. Tell him to keep his hands away from the baby’s eyes or wash his hands before touching the baby.
Teach him things about handling the baby as well as what to expect out of the baby. You can even introduce him to a new baby of a sibling who is about his age. This will help him set expectations for the new sibling.
5. Warning friends and family plus your child
Children are innocent which is why they don’t even know the art of pretending. It makes welcoming a new baby really difficult for them. They cannot bear seeing the family move all their attention to the new baby while they were used to being the center of attention. To make this easier for your child, tell him how guests will show up in great numbers and create so much hype about the new baby. This was how they reacted when he was born.
You can even remind your guests about sibling jealousy and ask them to give attention to the older kid as well when they show up. The best thing you can do for your older child is accept help for the baby so you can spend some quality time with your older child who is more conscious about everything around him than your baby.
6. Let your child connect with the baby
There are different ways to allow that connection to foster. To begin with, use possessives like our baby or your sister/brother rather than saying mom’s baby or my baby. Let your child feel some ownership so he doesn’t feel left out. You can even go on to choose your baby’s clothes, toys and furniture together.
Another great idea is to either read stories or make up your own stories about a baby brother or sister adding in the role of older sibling to dig in his interest. You can even choose the baby’s name together.
7. Go back in time when your older child was a baby
Talk to your child about the time when he was a baby. Show him picture of the time he was born and expressions on the face of parents showing how delighted they were to have him. Prepare him of the time when the baby might cry or sleep a lot by telling him that is what he used to do and that is what babies do.
It is the job of parents and older siblings to find out what might be troubling the little baby. Think back and tell him stories of the time when he was little possibly by flipping through his pictures as a baby.
